| Fiction, Ltd. Story #020 | explanation and main page |
CHALLENGE: Complete as many laps as possible in 20 minutes. A beckoning glade fought to impress Jackie. She eliminated other options and acquired pest-spray. Pulverizing waxy azalias to make a back-up ointment, driving efficiently to the glade and having a jaunty kugel lunch consumed no more than a spate of hours. Quietly relaxing astride a bumpy log, Jackie avowed that she would not exit, only laze about, cuddling with deer and feigning arthritis for her jerk of a lab manager. Only the piquant aroma of stale ruminant revived her, drawing her from excitement to unhappy realization: big cows die if they don't get herded in a jiffy. Keeping elm branches over her unplacid, quick-to-rile visage, she stupidly fell over unviewed thorax bones from the same unlucky cow -- or zebra. She couldn't tell. Without her books on cow structure, she would never know. She left, hoping the flowers she'd crushed were not too much needed in her home. RESULT: Success! 4 laps x 1000 points = 4000 Bonus for extra fuel: 124 TOTAL 4124As may not have been clear from the first one, I'm going to be using multiples of ten as staging areas for short bits of formal goofing. This is partially in response to several people whose reaction to the whole idea of fiction on demand was "So it's just a writing exercise?" I'll show YOU an exercise!
I grew up on video games, so the other impetus for doing this is my acquired belief that whenever one is facing a numbered, potentially endless series of discrete tasks, there will eventually be bonus stages. "CHALLENGING STAGE" is the term used in the classic shoot-em-up Galaga, though odds are you either didn't need to be told that or didn't care to be told that.
The idea for this one came from a text (I think written by a member of the Oulipo) which consisted entirely of homophones for the names of the letters of the English alphabet, over and over. It began, if I recall correctly, "Hay, be seedy! He-effigy..." and then I don't remember the rest. There's a scarecrow involved.
I couldn't hack that, but I did something similar. Though my goal was just to get through the alphabet as many times as possible, I also tried not to use a given letter twice before getting to the next one, and to avoid unnecessary words. I also meant to avoid the letter A once I got to Z for the fourth time without enough time for a fifth, but there it is at the end of "zebra".
If you're mystified, here it is again:
A BeCkoning glaDE FouGHt to Impress JacKie. She eLiMiNated Other oPtions and acQuiRed peST-spray. pUlVerizing WaXY aZAlias to make a BaCk-up ointment, Driving EFficiently to the Glade and HavIng a Jaunty KugeL lunch consuMed NO more than a sPate of hours. Quietly Relaxing aSTride a bUmpy log, jackie aVoWed that she would not eXit, onlY laZe ABout, CuDdling with dEer and FeiGning artHrItis for her JerK of a Lab Manager. Only the PiQuant aRoma of STale rUminant reVived her, draWing her from eXcitement to unhappY realiZAtion: Big Cows DiE iF they don't Get Herded In a Jiffy. Keeping eLM braNches Over her unPlacid, Quick-to-Rile viSage, she sTUpidly fell oVer unvieWed thoraX bones from the same unluckY cow -- or Zebra. She couldn't tell. Without her books on cow structure, she would never know. She left, hoping the flowers she'd crushed were not too much needed in her home.