Motorcycle Shakespeare, where did you come from?

  Yesterday, I came from the Motor Inn on 3rd Street. Before that, I'd ra-
  ther not say.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, what kind of motorcycle do you ride?

  The brand name has long ago been worn off by the wind roaring around me
  on the highway. The sides are stainless steel. The handlebars, I had to
  replace the last time I was in Wyoming. Repairs are expensive.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, do you have any favorite foods?

  They invented cookies'n'cream ice cream a few years ago; I like that.
  Pizza's good if I'm going to be in a city for a while, because I can re-
  heat the leftovers.

Have you got a song in your heart, Motorcycle Shakespeare?

  I very much enjoy "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield. Jealousy has al-
  ways fascinated me.

Have you got a spring in your step, Motorcycle Shakespeare?

  I regret that I do not.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, what does your balloon say?

  It says "First Mutual of Salem". If you would like to have it, you may.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, can you have a look at this?

  This is fine, fine work. If you don't already have a portfolio, you
  should put one together.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, do you stunt-jump?

  Once, off some cliffs in Yellowstone. I wrote a play about it.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, are you the REAL Shakespeare?

  As real as any Shakespeare ever was.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, who's the troll guy in your sidecar?

  I received threats while I was in Duluth. It was all a misunderstanding,
  but for my safety I hired Lester. He'll be going his own way once we
  reach Staten Island; his mother's been depressed and he needs to care for
  her.

Doesn't your mother miss you, Motorcycle Shakespeare?

  If she hasn't put me on a milk carton yet, I assume she hasn't noticed.

Motorcycle Shakespeare, you been on the road long?

  Not as long as I'm going to be, I'll tell you that.

written for Ward McNulty at Au Bon Pain #1 10/21/01

A youngish girl who was in the Square with her family picked the words, but for the first time, I was asked to give the story to someone else. I didn't press the issue.

So, okay, I'm pretty sure this whole schtick is from some Barthelme story, but it reminded me that I needn't have tried to pander when I wrote #32 a few hours earlier. All the kids love Motorcycle Shakespeare.

- everything is by Aaron Mandel; please ask first if you're about to steal something -

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